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When I was little my mother told me, “one day a truck might hit you and you won’t look so adorable.’ Looking back now, I realize that perhaps my mother was encouraging me to develop character or a better personality or, at least, some morals. Of course, that’s not the message I took away, mostly… Continue reading High Anxiety
If I could be any mythical creature, I would want to be a dragon. I don’t even need to create my own seven-course meal on Buzzfeed to learn this information. Buzzfeed can’t even guess my age and height based on my Netflix TV choices, so I’ve lost a lot of faith in their quizzes ability… Continue reading I’d like to be a Dragon!
I’m writing to confess that I am a serial plant killer. It’s not that I want to be, but something inside me is broken. I’m making no renovations. I rather like being broke, it gives me a false sense of personality. When I went to college, my mother bought me a cactus as a companion… Continue reading Herbicidal Maniac
This is the transcript of a candid interview with an overly earnest Nero in the year 66AD. Everything he said was spoken from a place of truth and love and without any guile. His devotion to the people of Rome was truly awe-inspiring. No one has cared more about Romans than Nero. If there is… Continue reading Interview with Nero
I’m not sure how much I support science and no this isn’t because I’m holding some long-standing grudge against my freshman Earth Science teacher for being such a shitty teacher that I only got an 89 on my Regents Exam. An 89. That’s a B+. Do you know how much you have to get wrong… Continue reading Science Is Scary
I, like many humans, find much fuel in hatred. I am usually at my laziest when apathy takes me over. I’m useless when I’m in love, but thankfully that only happens when I have a cake in front of me. Currently I have a cake in front of me, but thankfully it rained all day… Continue reading My Hate List